Why Masking Isn’t a Personality: The Cost of Surviving While Neurodivergent

The umbrella term neurodivergence refers to individuals whose brains function and learn differently from the norm. Learning disabilities, ADHD, Down syndrome, epilepsy, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and autism are examples of neurodivergence. People with one or more of these conditions may "mask" to protect themselves from harassment, discrimination, or having their disability outed. Masking is perhaps most closely associated with “autistic masking,” or the practice in which autistic people suppress their natural behaviors in order to appear more neurotypical. This might look like a temporary reduction in repetitive movements or fake nodding-and-smiling during a social interaction. It’s generally thought that while masking can be effective for short periods of time, in the long term, it’s exhausting and can be traumatic.

People with mental health issues may routinely hide their true emotions beneath a mask. This is known as mental health masking, and over time, it can also be detrimental to their well-being. Many people, especially those with mental health issues or neurodevelopmental conditions like autism or ADHD, adopt this coping strategy to fit in a world not made for the neurodivergent. They mask to avoid the stigma that comes with being “different” and to maintain “normal” relationships. While masking can provide a sense of social acceptance, it often leads to emotional exhaustion, burnout, and a disconnect from one’s authentic self. Masking can hinder authentic relationships and lead to physical symptoms like fatigue and headaches. Masking can be done both consciously and unconsciously to appear socially acceptable.

Supporting someone who masks requires sensitivity and compassion. Creating a safe space for open communication, active listening, and validating their feelings can help. Professional treatment options, like those offered at Blue Sage Wellness, focus on assisting individuals to express their genuine emotions and heal from the effects of masking.

Signs that you may be masking:

• You present a false persona or a fabricated image of yourself to appear more socially desirable and might even people-please.

• You mimic other people’s facial expressions, gestures, or speech patterns.

• You suppress negative emotions such as sadness, anxiety, or anger to avoid appearing vulnerable or different.

• You control natural responses like avoiding eye contact, stimming, or over-reacting to sensory output.

• You overthink social interactions by analyzing past interactions, rehearsing responses, and constantly monitoring your own behavior.

Negative effects of masking, or the “cost”:

• Emotional exhaustion and burnout from constantly monitoring and suppressing your true self.

• Difficulty forming authentic relationships resulting in feelings of isolation.

• The pressure to maintain the facade can exacerbate existing mental conditions such as anxiety and depression or contribute to new ones.

• It can create a lack of support because masking can hide the severity of your mental health symptoms.

• Some people may experience physical manifestations of stress such as headaches, fatigue, and/or stomach problems.

• You need to decompress after social engagements to feel like yourself again.

• You may experience a loss of identity  and forget what your true self feels like.

The different types of masking:

• Social masking: Someone who engages in social behaviors that don’t come naturally. Some people change their tone of voice or communication patterns. Others laugh at jokes they don’t understand or pretend to like activities they don’t enjoy just to fit the status quo. Putting on a happy face to cover painful feelings is considered a form of social masking behaviour as well.

• Behavior masking: People with attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) may mask at work by hiding their fidgeting or stimming behaviors. These behaviors are repeated movements that people with ADHD may use to cope with stress and anxiety. Behavior masking involves consciously avoiding these motions to avoid irritating others.

• Compensation: This masking behavior involves hiding the effort it takes to get something done. People compensate for a mental health issue by spending more time and energy than others, and they may hide how much extra effort they’re expensing just to stay on track. This is a common coping strategy among people with ADHD and autism spectrum disorder (ASD).

The answer to why people mask lies in societal expectations and experiences. Maybe they received negative feedback for appearing sad, fearful, or confused. Wanting acceptance, they create strategies to ensure others cannot see their true selves. In a way masking is a survival tactic, driven by the desire to avoid stigma, discrimination, or negative consequences associated with mental health conditions. It can be a way to cope with bullying, trauma, or rejection. Individuals may also mask to navigate social situations, maintain employment, or build relationships. People mask to protect themselves from backlash – both real and imagined – that may occur if family, friends, and colleagues see their true selves. The energy it takes to conceal their true identities takes a toll on self-esteem and self-worth. Women are especially at risk, as they mask to a greater degree than men. They’re taught to be more agreeable, polite, and emotionally aware, so they might learn to mimic behaviors that help them blend in, even when it doesn’t feel natural or sustainable.

At Blue Sage Wellness, our clinicians address and heal a wide variety of mental health conditions. Part of the healing process involves helping people to speak openly about their feelings, overcome whatever shame they may be carrying, and realize they are not alone. We conduct in-depth assessments and formulate tailored treatment plans for each client. There’s no need for you or a loved one to wait to get the support you need to thrive. Contact us at Blue Sage Wellness today to schedule a consultation.