When the Holidays Bring Stress Instead of Joy: Understanding Your Anxiety Around Family and the Season

For many people, the holiday season isn’t all cozy blankets, cookies, and cheerful gatherings. Sometimes it brings:

• anxiety

• pressure

• old wounds

• masking

• sensory overload

• complicated family dynamics

• financial strain

• grief

• burnout

If this is you, I want you to know — you are not alone, and nothing is wrong with you as nearly nine in ten (89%) of U.S. adults are feeling this same stress (American Psychological Association, 2023).

The holidays tend to activate parts of us that we’ve kept quiet all year. And for people who are neurodivergent, highly sensitive, or healing from trauma, this time of year can feel especially overwhelming.

Let’s talk about why.

Overwhelm is an intense, all-encompassing feeling that things are too much to handle, whether emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. It happens when we think we can’t cope with the demands that life places on us and can leave us feeling panicky, frozen, or paralyzed to being mentally slow, excessively sensitive, forgetful, confused, and having difficulty thinking clearly. Overwhelm can also affect sleep and lead to physical effects such as feeling ill or fatigued without knowing why.

A way to overcome this overwhelm is to identify the source. Ask yourself what two things you can remove from your plate to alleviate 80% of the stress you’re feeling and do that. Set boundaries on your time and to-do’s. Remind yourself it’s okay to say “no” or ask for help. Challenge perfectionism, and know when “good enough” is enough. Challenge your assumptions, and stop ruminating on potential consequences. These can make you feel like the worst is already happening and will add to anxiety and stress. Do something unexpected and take command of yourself, your feelings, your thoughts, and your actions. Stop trying to control all the outcomes and comparing yourself to others. Treat yourself with with kindness and gentleness as you process difficult emotions. Most of all, take your own advice. If a friend came to you with ‘this’ worry, what would you tell them? Treat yourself with that same patience and ease. Look inward and don’t seek out a rescuer as that only perpetuates the myth that you’re powerless. Instead, look for a supportive community that sees you as capable and can help you focus on being engaged and productive.

Another risk during the holiday season is a rise in social isolation (the lack of personal relationships and little to no social support or interaction) and loneliness (the distressing feeling of being alone or disconnected from others). Both are linked to increased risks for both mental and physical health such as depression, anxiety, and suicidality being examples of the mental; and obesity, impaired immunity, and poor cardiovascular function being the physical.

Ways to overcome these feelings is to reach out for support. Schedule time each day to stay connected with family, friends, neighbors, and/or others. Engage in activities that are meaningful to you – volunteer, restart an old hobby, or take a class to learn something new. Remember to stay active, maybe with a group to meet new people or even reconnect with old friends. Consider adopting a pet or visiting a pet cafe if one is nearby. Animals are an amazing source of comfort and may lower stress levels. Check out local resources and programs or join a cause.

For people living with depression, the holidays can be especially difficult. Thoughts about family, relationships, social engagement, and “old times” are quick to surface and flood the mind which can be particularly painful if there are issues within these dynamics. The holidays also raise expectations of spending more time with family and the fears of old conflicts resurfacing during these times. There is also Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), a type of depression that typically occurs during the fall and winter months.

The common symptoms of depression are mood swings, lack of energy, loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed; changes in appetite or weight, trouble sleeping, fatigue, increased feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, sadness, or guilt; difficulty concentrating or making decisions; and thoughts of death or suicide. If any of these symptoms are persistent and last more than two weeks, see a therapist or other healthcare professional. Blue Sage Wellness has many such professionals you can book with today to deal with these problems. 

Other ways to fight this depression is to stay in good health, to stay connected with others, to be realistic about what you can and can’t do, and to take time for yourself.

Because the holidays are defined by time spent with family and friends, people are also often keenly aware of the absence of a loved one. Grief is the anguish experienced after significant loss (usually of someone beloved but can also include regret for something lost, remorse for something done, or sorrow for a mishap or moral injury). It can feel all-encompassing. Physiological distress, separation anxiety, confusion, yearning, obsessive dwelling on the past, and apprehension about the future are common symptoms.

One way to manage grief during the holidays is to not force observance. If the holidays feel inauthentic right now, give yourself permission to not celebrate. Instead, find another activity that is meaningful and engage in that. Attend to yourself during this time, check in with your feelings and thoughts, and practice benevolent honesty with yourself. If you feel up to it, let your loved ones know how they can support you, whether it’s helping you with shopping, dropping off some necessities, or getting together for a meal or regular walk. Loved ones often want to help but don’t know how. Allow yourself to feel and monitor your emotions – their frequency, intensity, and duration. Maybe start a new tradition. Freshness can be cleansing. Most of all, listen to your heart and don’t give in to holiday pressures. If you’re at an event and aren’t feeling it, be willing to say to others, “I’m not up to this right now.”

If you or a loved one is dealing with any of these “holiday blues”, the doors of Blue Sage Wellness are open and accepting new clients. Book a consultation today to help ease your burdens. 

With all this in mind, we hope you and anyone you care for stay resilient and healthy during the holidays and all your days.