Gender Expression and Gender Identity: A Guide

What is Gender Identity?

Gender identity is your fundamental, psychological sense of self. It is internal and cannot be seen by others unless you share it. Examples of gender identities are cisgender (identity aligns with sex assigned at birth), transgender (identity differs from sex assigned at birth), or non-binary (identifying as both, neither, or somewhere on a spectrum). There are also many other gender identities outside of those. It is usually fixed and innate; although, it may take time for an individual to discover or embrace it.

What is Gender Expression?

Gender expression is how you communicate your gender to the world. It is entirely observable through your appearance, mannerisms, and choices. Examples being clothing choices, hairstyles, makeup, voice pitch, body language, and chosen name or pronouns. It can be highly fluid and change based on context, mood, culture, or personal preference.

What is the difference?

Gender identity is your internal, deeply-held sense of who you are – whether that be male, female, non-binary, or something else – while gender expression is how you outwardly present that identity to the world via clothing, hair, voice, and behavior. The two do not always perfectly align, and both are completely independent of sexual orientation.

Understanding the difference means recognizing that an individual’s presentation does not invalidate their identity. For example, a transgender woman who wears masculine-cut clothing (expression) is still a woman (identity). Similarly, a cisgender man (identity) who wears nail polish or makeup (expression) is still a man. Because expression does not dictate identity, it is always best to respect how someone identifies and ask for their pronouns rather than make assumptions based on their appearance.

How to Ask for Pronouns Respectfully

Start by creating a safe space by stating your own name and pronouns first. Then you ask simply and politely, “What are your pronouns?” Only ask in private if possible to avoid putting someone on the spot. Make sure the conversation remains comfortable and supportive throughout.

It is important to remember them giving you their pronouns isn’t obligatory. Don’t force an answer. Some people may be unsure or uncomfortable sharing in certain environments. If they hesitate, gracefully say, “No pressure at all. I just wanted to ask, so I get it right.”

Make sure to ask everyone, especially in group settings. That way, no one feels singled out. Normalize the practice by giving everyone the opportunity to share their pronouns. If you use the wrong pronoun, apologise and move forward. It is best to keep the apology brief and sincere as over-apologizing can center your feelings instead of respecting theirs. 

Examples of speech:

• “Hi, my name is … and my pronouns are …. How should I refer to you?

• “Could you remind me which pronouns you use?”

• “I want to make sure I respect you. What are your pronouns?”

What Are Some Examples of Gender Identities and Expressions?

Specific gender identities and expressions reflect on a broad, evolving spectrum beyond the traditional gender binary. Here is a list of just some of the more common specific gender identity terms:

• Non-binary is an umbrella term for people whose gender identity does not align with the strict binary of male or female.

• Agender refers to a person who identifies as having no gender or who does not experience gender as a core part of their identity.

• Genderfluid describes someone whose gender identity and/or expression shifts over time rather than remaining fixed.

• Bigender is a term for individuals who identify as having two distinct genders which can be experienced simultaneously or fluidly over time.

• Two-spirit is a culturally specific umbrella term used by some Indigenous North American communities to describe individuals possessing both male and female spirits or an identity beyond traditional binary roles.

• Transgender is an umbrella term for persons whose gender identity and expression does not conform to that typically associated with the sex to which they were assigned at birth.

• Cisgender is someone’s sex assigned at birth and their gender identity are the same.

• Neo-pronouns are new or non-standard-neutral pronouns like xe/xem, ze/zir, and fae/faer used instead of he, she, or they to affirm a person’s identity. Words like xe/xem/xyr or ze/zir/zirs are pronoun sets and designed to sound like traditional grammar. There are also noun-self pronouns; words based on animals, nature, or objects such as bun/bunself or star/starself.

• 2SLGBTQIA+ is an acronym used to talk about a community of people who identify as not cisgender or heterosexual (straight). Some of the letters stand for sexual orientations (lesbian, gay, bisexual, asexual) while some stand for gender identities (2 Spirit, transgender, agender). The “Q” stands for queer which refers to both sexual orientation and gender identity. It also stands for questioning as people figure out their identity. The “I” refers to persons who are intersex (someone’s reproductive biology doesn’t fit with the traditional idea of male or female body or genetics). The “+” is for all identities not otherwise included like genderfluid, demisexual, etc.

How These Terms Differ from Biological Sex

A person’s sex refers to biological traits while gender identity is an internal sense of self, and gender expression is how a person presents outwardly. It is the physical label (male, female, or intersex) assigned at birth based on chromosomes, hormones, and reproductive anatomy. They are rooted in biology and physical traits rather than social roles. If you are uncomfortable in your body and interested in gender-affirming care and a sex change, read this helpful guide on the law and how it works in Tennessee.

Gender and Society

While there is a clear distinction between gender identity and expression, many people struggle with finding their identity. Society often imposes rigid expectations based on a gender binary which leaves little room for authentic self-expression and may create feelings of confusion, dysphoria (a profound state of deep unease, unhappiness, or dissatisfaction; usually in this context gender dysphoria), and alienation. This is especially true for individuals whose identities differ from societal norms. Although it may seem out-of-the-box, experiencing a disconnect between one’s sex assigned at birth and their gender identity is quite common. This discrepancy can lead to internal turmoil while navigating the process of self-discovery and acceptance. What’s more, social stigmas, stereotypes, and discrimination against questioning or queer individuals intensify the struggle of alignment and make it difficult to embrace authenticity.

Support is available through therapy, support groups, or online communities specializing in gender identity. Blue Sage Wellness (BSW) offers gender-affirming care with trained clinicians. Having a safe space to seek guidance and share experiences can be incredibly beneficial in coping with the challenges of navigating gender and finding validation. It is important to embrace our authentic selves unapologetically, regardless of societal expectations to foster mental health and well-being. We can express ourselves through clothing, makeup, and behaviors that align with our true gender identities even in the face of adversity.